Well, the internet definitely works in case anyone was wondering. A few months ago I wrote a post about snorg tees girls, the idea was to let the internet and social media find some snorg tees models for me so I could interview them. The post didn’t go popular on any social media (although it seems to be doing well on Google now :)), so I pretty much gave up on my idea and moved on. But, the web works in mysterious ways and a few months after the post went live I was able to get in touch with Tara (I won’t bore you with the details) who was one of the 5 girls in my original post (#4 to be precise). She was nice enough to agree to do an interview with me.

Of course being a bit burnt out on blogging (and really slack) I didn’t post the interview for ages, but eventually I decided to write it up and so here it is, my interview with the ‘I Drink Your Milkshake’ snorg tees girl.

1. Are you a vegetarian, vegan or predator?
I’m a predator.  I grew up on a livestock farm, so not eating meat would be cause for a catastrophic meltdown in my family.

2. What is your favorite
Color?
I’ve always been partial to blues and greens…but I wear a lot of black.
Food?
I think I could eat Thai and Japanese food every day.  And chocolate.  I’m a chick…duh.  OH!  And bacon.
Movie?
The Exorcist is my favorite.  I have lots of others in my top 10, but that wins hands down.
Song?
There’s no way I could choose a favorite song.  I love so many different types of music.
Band?
Haha, again…see above.  I adore Bjork, Radiohead, Ani Difranco, Tori Amos, At the Drive-In, and many more.
Sport?
I played volleyball for four years in high school, so I suppose I’ll go with that.
Celebrity?
I’m going to break the rules and name a few.  John Malkovich and Kevin Spacey.
Desert?
The Sahara?  ;o)  Just kidding.  My favorite dessert is anything involving chocolate and caramel.

3. What is 2+2*2?
It’s 6, right?  Because you multiply first and then add.  Ah…the things one learns in middle school and forgets by adulthood.

4. What do you do for a living (besides being a snorg tees girl :))?
Well I was a full-time model/actress for almost six years.  It was really fun and I was lucky to support myself with it.  I recently decided to get a full-time job in the events industry, so I work for a furniture company that rents pieces to huge corporate events, weddings, fashion shows, and more.  I also write for the music section of a local alternative magazine.  I still take some print, runway, and voiceover jobs here and there.  Like Snorg!

5. Do you enjoy it?
Yes, I love everything I do!

6. Are you a good dancer? If yes, are you clubbing good, or good-good?
I’m a terrible, terrible dancer.  I even took belly dancing classes, and I still fail.

7. What your ideal Christmas present?
Something that the person obviously put a lot of thought into, big or small.

8. What country would you most like to visit? Why?
I really would love to go to Australia (nudge nudge) or Ireland.  Mostly for the beautiful scenery and culture.

9. Did Greedo shoot first?
I actually just went on Wikipedia to figure out what the hell you were talking about haha.  So…I’ll have to bow out of this one.

10. Are you a “whats on the inside counts” or an “image is everything” girl?
What’s on the inside counts.  Always.  Because if you’re lucky enough to live to be 80 years old, you’re not going to be much of a looker.  So you might as well be a rad person.

11. What would you consider a perfect night out?
I like to do lots of different things.  Go out to dinner, hang out at the bookstore, go to see bands play….but lately my favorite thing to do is come home, make dinner for my boyfriend, and watch a movie.  I’m getting old.

12. Dogs or cats? If dogs, big ones or small ones?
I’m more of a cat person (I have two).  But I like dogs, too.  My friend (who’s a total country girl) said something really witty one day that I always held very true.  She said, “If a dog can’t jump up into the back of a pickup truck…it’s not a dog.”  So yeah, small dogs usually suck.

13. A week at the snow or a week at the beach?
I hate being cold…so the beach.

14. Do you believe in karma?
Indeed I do.

15. Who is better Kirk or Picard?
Picard is better for the series.  Kirk is a fun character to make fun of.

16. What is your favorite city? Why?
I love Chicago and Portland.  They’re both so alive with culture.

17. Were you popular in school and which subculture (if any) would you have put yourself into (jock, goth, muso etc.)?
I went to a very small school…so being “popular” was out of the question.  I mean, everyone knew each other anyway.  I definitely wasn’t considered the “hot chick or anything.”  I had spiky blue hair, played in a rock band, and was really active in clubs like Drama, NHS, Academic Team, etc.  So I was kind of like a nerdy…punk?  Hahaha.

18. In your opinion were/are you a tomboy, girly-girl or something in between?
I was always a tomboy.  I played a lot of sports and never really wore makeup. Though I definitely embraced my girly side as I got more involved with modeling.  I love funky fashion and think it’s fun to dress up….even if everyone else is in jeans hahaha.

19. Do you have any siblings? Do you get along with them?
I do and I do.  I have a brother who lives a couple hours from me.  We definitely have different interests, but we get along really well (another part of getting older).  I was very close to my sister, but sadly she was killed in an auto accident a couple of years ago.

20. Do you like to read? If so what kind of books? What is your favorite book?
I do like to read.  Though, reading for pleasure hasn’t really been in the cards since college (English majors are forced to read…a lot).  I’m just now getting it back.  My boyfriend updates his comic collection pretty frequently, so I poke through those often.  I’d have to say my favorite book isn’t really a novel, but I can read it again and again.  It’s called “The Scribner Anthology of Contemporary Short Fiction”….it’s basically all sorts of wacky short stories from the ’70s-now.

21. Where do you see yourself in ten years time?
I would hope and assume to be happy and healthy. It would be great to freelance full-time again, or possibly own my own business. I intend to stay in the entertainment industry in at least a small capacity ’til the day I die. And I’m sappy and full of estrogen…so hopefully I’ll be married and have my own little screwed up family haha.

22. What has been the biggest challenge you’ve had to overcome in your life so far?
I tend to overflow my schedule with a variety of jobs and hobbies. That’s tough enough without adding additional stress. So when my sister died almost three years ago, I felt this horrible strain between maintaining my normalcy and taking the time to heal. It was hard juggling school, work, band, modeling, acting, relationships, and everything in between…and doing it all with a smile on my face despite being in the worst state of my life. On top of that, I felt a responsibility to take care of my family and help keep us all tight during such a devastating time. I did try my best, and I made it through, but it was beyond difficult.

23. Is there something about you that no-one would ever be able to guess just by looking at you?
I would assume there are MANY things. I don’t like to be predictable. J Here are a few:

• I can make myself burp.
• I’ve castrated two pigs in my life.
• I’ve spoken in front of about 1,000 people on multiple occasions.
• One thing that makes me really happy is driving with my music cranked up eating fast food without wiping my face after every bite. (I know, it’s terrible).
• I have a hard time saying the phrase “butt cheeks” without laughing.
• The thought of going to a chiropractor makes me feel faint and nauseous.

24. What are you really passionate about? Why?
I’m passionate about expression. I think that’s a big part of why I became a model, actress, and musician. Those arts allow me to put a little bit of myself into every project, photo shoot, etc. And nothing burns me up more in life than feeling like I cannot express myself, say my piece, or show how I feel. I am a big advocate for affirming people’s emotions and opinions, whether it’s directly or through art.

25. Being American, how do you feel about Obama as the president, good, bad, don’t care? Why?
I care. I care a lot. I almost cried happy tears when he was elected…I think I didn’t stop smiling for days. I know that he’s no messiah, and there will be lots of changes he’ll HAVE to make in order to get us out of this mess. And unfortunately, I think people will blame him for it all…but I feel that ultimately, all of his decisions will be made in order to help his country. I don’t know the guy, but my gut says he has good intentions. I don’t think Americans have had that piece of mind in a very long time.

26. And now for my patented Lazarus Long human being test (well i guess Lazarus patented it, but since he is fictional I figure I got dibs):
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion,
butcher a hog, design a building, conn a ship, write a sonnet, balance
accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders,
give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve an equation, analyze a new
problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight
efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.“   -  Lazarus Long

Hehe, the funny thing is, when I read that quote it made me think of my Dad. I think he could do all of those things if he hasn’t already. (Besides the dying one…thankfully he’s still alive, and he’s not allowed to die for a long time haha).

So hmm…

• I have never changed a diaper, but I’ve seen it done, so I wouldn’t be too worried about it.
• I could totally plan an invasion if it was something I was passionate about and took the time to really plan it. Otherwise I might get hasty…because I tend to just jump in and do things, then figure out the rest later. UNLESS I really care about it, then I’ll take the time. OK, now I’m getting redundant.
• I haven’t butchered a hog, but I’ve seen it done (I was on the meat judging team in school for a while)
• I would leave the building designs to the experts. Haha.
• Con a ship? Heck yes. Let me at it.
• I was an English major in college, so I had to write many-a-sonnet.
• Balancing accounts isn’t fun, but I can do it.
• I could build a wall. But I’m not really into manual labor, so I wouldn’t do it by choice.
• Set a bone? You mean like…first aid-style? Eeeeeeh…I would do it if I was stuck out in the woods. By no means would I enjoy it. I’m pretty good about “sucking it up” and just doing something if it must be done.
• I think I’m pretty good about making people comfortable…so I hope I could make someone feel at ease in their last moments.
• I don’t like taking orders, but as I get older I’m learning how to. I think it’s all in how the orders are given. I don’t like being barked at…but if I’m told or asked to do something in a respectable way, I don’t have a problem with it.
• I think I’m good at giving orders because I don’t like to do it…so I’m extra polite about it. Honestly, I’d rather just do everything myself.
• My cooperation skills are above average (not perfect….above average).
• I tend to want to work alone, even if it means losing sleep and sanity.
• I used to be pretty darn good at math, so I can solve an equation or twelve. But I had a really good math teacher in high school (Hi, Artigas!)
• I over-analyze every problem…ever.
• I’ve pitched some manure in my day (grew up raising livestock)
• I’m no computer genius, but I can program some things.
• Of the meals I cook, some are tasty, some are not…but all are edible.
• I’m pretty good at fighting with words. Until my current boyfriend, many people I dated hated fighting with me because I’d back them into corners with their own quotes. That was fun. But now I’m dating someone super smart, so I can’t do that haha. I haven’t really had to be physical with people…but I think if I was fighting, I’d be really pissed, and thus I’d just see red and start swinging. Efficient? Perhaps not. Effective? You bet your ass.
• I haven’t died yet (surprise!). Dying gallantly would be fine….but I’m not going to go out of my way to do it. As long as I don’t die a coward or a numskull, I’ll be content with my demise.

And that, as they say, is that, hope everyone enjoyed it.

Related posts:

1. 5 Awesome Snorg Tees Girls – A Social Media Experiment
2. How To Answer A Programming Interview Question And Look Good Doing It
3. The Best Way To Interview A Developer

On the first day of Christmas,
a Klingon sent to me
An 8 Gig USB key.

On the second day of Christmas,
a Goa’uld sent to me
2 ipods playing,
And a brand new Nintendo Wii.

On the third day of Christmas,
a Vulcan sent to me
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And a copy of Windows XP.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
a Jaffa sent to me
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And “The Matrix” trilogy on DVD.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
an Ewok sent to me
5 iphones ringing,
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And a Computer Science PHD.

On the sixth day of Christmas,
an Ocampa sent to me
6 blogs a-posting,
5 iphones ringing,
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And a keyboard with a missing Tab key.

On the seventh day of Christmas,
a Twi’lek sent to me
7 friends a-twitting,
6 blogs a-posting,
5 iphones ringing,
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And a router outside of a DMZ.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
a Vorlon sent to me
8 desktops crashing,
7 friends a-twitting,
6 blogs a-posting,
5 iphones ringing,
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And Stargate Atlantis Season 3.

On the ninth day of Christmas,
a Gungan sent to me
9 cables tangling,
8 desktops crashing,
7 friends a-twitting,
6 blogs a-posting,
5 iphones ringing,
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And a biography of Pierre & Marie Curie.

On the tenth day of Christmas,
a Ferengi sent to me
10 WoW guilds raiding,
9 cables tangling,
8 desktops crashing,
7 friends a-twitting,
6 blogs a-posting,
5 iphones ringing,
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And a hosting plan with a low setup fee.

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
a Wookie sent to me
11 hackers scripting,
10 WoW guilds raiding,
9 cables tangling,
8 desktops crashing,
7 friends a-twitting,
6 blogs a-posting,
5 iphones ringing,
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And a Tetris theme song MP3.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
a Jawa sent to me
12 networks lagging,
11 hackers scripting,
10 WoW guilds raiding,
9 cables tangling,
8 desktops crashing,
7 friends a-twitting,
6 blogs a-posting,
5 iphones ringing,
4 torrents seeding,
3 apps compiling,
2 ipods playing,
And a 40 inch LCD TV!

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1. Tweaking English For Fun And Profit … Facilitating Poetry
2. Why Web 2.0 Sucks
3. The Best Funny And Educational Geek Songs

Update: For those who believe that door hinge or syringe rhymes with orange, I have finally written a post about rhyming.

You thought that it was impossible right? Everybody knows that there aren’t any words in the English language that rhyme with orange. Well, everybody is wrong! Here is a whole list full of words that rhyme with orange perfectly. I also included the meaning of every word since you may be hard pressed to find them in the dictionary, unless I miss my guess.

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

1. amoreange – an orange you instantly fall in love with
2. allegorange – an orange that represents abstract ideas or principles
3. borange – an orange so dull you can’t even be bothered finishing it
4. corange – the very essence of an orange
5. commodorange – an orange that seems to be in control of a large group of other oranges
6. doorange – a type of orange used to close off an entrance to a house (these typically grow very large as you might expect)
7. eeyorange – Winnie-the-Pooh’s favourite type of orange
8. elmorange – an orange made out of rags that is controlled by an outside party and is really annoying
9. floorange – an orange that has been dropped on the ground, but before the 5 second rule has expired
10. goreange – an orange said to increase martial prowess, favoured by soldiers, criminals, and computer games programmers
11. krakatorange – an orange that explodes in your face before you even bite into it (see nitroglicerorange)
12. lemorange – a gender confused orange
13. memorange – an orange that sort of reminds you of another orange that you’ve eaten before
14. montessorange – an orange that promotes the development of natural abilities and initiative
15. nanorange – a really tiny orange that you can’t even see
16. nitroglicerorange – an orange that explodes in your face right after you bite into it (see krakatorange)
17. octorange – an orange that squirts ink in your face if pick it up unexpectedly
18. pectorange – an orange that looks really tough and beefy, wouldn’t want to eat it without help
19. quantorange – an orange that is both here and somewhere else at the same time
20. remorange – an orange that you regret eating
21. remificorange – word used to describe the consequences of eating too many oranges. Usually remorange and remificorange go hand in hand.
22. seismorange – an orange that shakes really hard when you pick it up. Has a chance of becoming either a krakatorange or a nitroglicerorange
23. soliloqorange – an orange that reveals all it’s inner thoughts and fears through monologue
24. sextorange – an orange that is a natural equivalent of Viagra, shaped like a hexagon
25. septorange – one more than the sextorange
26. tetrahedrorange – an orange shaped like a pyramid
27. testostororange – an orange that is spoiling for a fight
28. ubiquitorange – an orange that everyone is using and that seems to be everywhere
29. vernaculorange – an orange that is specific to a particular social group or region
30. whorange – everybody has had a piece of this orange
31. xorange – the executive assistant to the commodorange (see commodorange)
32. Yahorange – a billion dollar internet startup based on oranges
33. zorrorange – an orange that fights for the rights of all the oppressed oranges everywhere, goes in disguise so you can’t tell him apart from other oranges

Update: Those of you who want to find out if there really ARE any words that rhyme with orange, should read the second part of my post about rhyming.

Related posts:

1. The Anatomy Of A Rhyme And What Really Rhymes With Orange
2. Converting Integers To Words – Bringing Order To English Through Code
3. Tweaking English For Fun And Profit … Facilitating Poetry

I’ve been watching the first and second season of Star Trek: The Next Generation lately (yeah, yeah shut up everyone, so I like Star Trek, just get over it :)). Anyways, aside from all the happy memories of years past, watching it reminded me just how completely annoying Wesley Crusher was. Yeah, he was smart and all, but how sickeningly sweet can you possibly get?

So in one of my trademark leaps of logic I started thinking about some other characters from movies and shows that either annoyed me, made me cringe at their total sweetness or made me say “Yeah right!” at the unlikelihood of the stuff they accomplished. I came up with seven and I am thinking we could seamlessly swap these character with Wesley and both shows would hardly notice the difference.

This guy must be kidding, I hear you say. Nope he is deadly serious, that’s right, serious like a fox! Here is the list:

7. Donatello from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

He is just as smart in a completely unlikely sort of way, sure he is less annoying but he can learn, Riker and Picard will teach him. And Wesley will do fine as a turtle, the other 3 will hardly notice the difference.

6. Will Robinson from Lost In Space

Not much to say here, Will and Wesley are pretty much the same character. Like cogs in a machine, take one out, slot one in.

5. Hermione from Harry Potter

Goody-two-shoes know-it-all vs goody-two-shoes know-it-all, perfect fit. Captain Picard might raise an eyebrow at another girl on his bridge but I am sure he’ll let it slide seeing it’s Hermione and all. Ron Weasley on the other hand might get a bit of a rude shock when he wakes up one day and finds that his love interest is now a guy (gee, hope I didn’t ruin it for anyone, Ron and Hermione have a thing going on, if you’re not getting it by book 3, there is very little hope for you).

4. Pinocchio from Pinocchio

This one is a bit out of left field, but hey why not, all Pinocchio wants is to be is a real boy, and Star Trek can give him that opportunity. At the very least him and Data will have a lot to talk about. Wesley on the other hand could use a bit of an education on how to lie properly.

3. Velvet Brown from National Velvet

If you haven’t seen the movie then watch it, the character is played by Elizabeth Taylor when she was young and stuff. This one is on the list because, if anything, the character here is even more sickeningly sweet than Wesley. LaForge and Data surely couldn’t think of anyone more annoying than Wesley, boy are they gonna get a rude shock.

2.  Michael Banks from Mary Poppins

Remember the boy from Mary Poppins, that’s the kid I mean. Why? Well, the whole movie was all sweet and nice with songs and stuff, just like Wesley. I had to pick the little kid, cause I surely couldn’t have swapped Wesley out for Dick Van Dyke. Wesley’s fake cockney accent is nowhere near good enough plus Picard would never forgive me for letting a guy with a name like Dick Van Dyke loose on his ship.

1. Friedrich Von Trapp

Yep, that’s the older boy from the Sound of Music, lederhosen included. All of the Von Trapp kids were little Wesley’s only not quite as smart probably. But, I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, because nothing could possibly be more hilarious than Wesley wearing lederhosen singing the “Goodbye, Farewell” song!

I think I have well and truly proven my right to bear the geek coat of arms with this post, I bet some of you must have begun wondering, with me writing all those team building and leadership posts. Well, worry no more brethren!

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2. Ruby Procs And Lambdas (And The Difference Between Them)
3. Why Web 2.0 Sucks

Original picture courtesy of thehollywoodgossip.com

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3. Do You Morph Into A Different Programmer?

I recently upgraded my computer chair to a fully ergonomic model. Nothing too fancy or weird, just a regular chair but with fully adjustable everything. I used to slouch terribly in my old chair so I considered the $500+ (yeah I know, not as much as some, but still not too shabby) that I spent on my new chair an investment in my health and posture. When I brought my chair home, I had all the best intentions in mind, I would adjust everything perfectly and begin to sit at my computer properly, according to all the rules. I lasted about 3 hours after that I was back to my old slouching ways.

It’s the funniest thing, but maintaining correct posture while sitting at your computer is damned uncomfortable, no matter what chair you use, which means I for one start slouching very quickly. So, after finding some comfortable and creative ways to slouch in my new chair I decided to do some research and find out if there is an ergonomic chair out there that can completely prevent you from ruining your posture slouching.

I found that there were 5 distinct types of ergonomic chairs out there.

1. Standard/Mesh Fully Adjustable Chair (With Lumbar Support)

This is your regular stock standard ergonomic chair, looks like a normal chairs except you can adjust everything, height, back tilt, seat tilt and sometimes you can move the back further away from the seat as well.

You can’t really prevent yourself from slouching on these ones, you either have to constantly keep adjusting it, or you let your slouchy creativity flow. Try sliding down low on one of these babies, lower back problems anyone. How about leaning over to the side and putting most of your weight on one of the arm-rests, also very possible and reasonably comfortable.

These chairs don’t really do anything special to stop you from slouching, they are only good for people who don’t slouch already and just need a comfortable chair to support their good posture.

2. Saddle Ergonomic Chair

Now, we are cooking with gas.  The saddle chair is shaped somewhat like a horse saddle (duh!), and comes with a back or without that’s up to individual preference. These chairs can put you into a half-straddling, half-standing position which makes regular slouching down in a chair impossible.

Those people who think standing up prevents you from slouching have never seen teens “hanging out” down at whatever local hang-out spot they frequent. Relaxing your shoulders and curving them slightly forward while standing up is the very definition of slouching and it’s super cool too (TV says so, therefore it must be true).

This chair fails also. Good concept and if it works for you then by all means use it, as far as I am concerned you can slouch on this as much if not more than on a regular chair.

3. Exercise Ball Ergonomic Chair

Everybody knows that fitness balls are good for you, right? I mean they’re in all the gyms and everybody uses them for all sorts of funny exercises so they must be awesome. So, we put a chair on a platform to prevent it from rolling away from you and we have the perfect office chair. Not only will you help your posture but you can get those rock-hard abba-dabbas all at the same time.

Well, I have to admit, as sarcastic as my last paragraph was this is actually not a bad concept. You can’t slide down on one of these and slouching sideways is also closed to you with no armrest. However once again, the fitness ball relies on you consciously keeping your back straight, nothing is preventing you from stooping your shoulders working on that perfect S-shaped spine that is all the rage these days.

And so another one bites the dust, it is certainly a possibility for some, but only if you have the motivation, willpower and presence of mind to consciously work on your posture.

4. Kneeling Ergonomic ChairI’ve seen these ones before, it is an older concept that has been around for a while and there is probably a reason why it hasn’t disappeared in that time. The idea is that there is a platform in front of the seat that you rest your knees on so that your feet are pointing back rather than being in front of you as in a regular chair. These also come with or without a backrest depending on preference.

Because of the way your legs are positioned it is impossible for you to slide down in this chair or slouch sideways. The even better thing about this chair is that it also makes it fairly difficult for you to slouch your shoulders forward. It is not impossible mind you, but it does tend to be more comfortable to sit in this chair if you back is straight.

Out of the five types of chairs that I mention, I would consider this one the best type of ergonomic chair to help you correct and maintain your posture while you’re at your computer. That is, the best one if you want to still look more or less like a regular Joe office-worker. If you however want to get your weirdness meter going full bore there is the next chair.

5. Zero Gravity Recliner ChairI love the idea of this chair. This one is a full-on recliner chair and it is meant to be used by people who have back problems and simply aren’t able to use a regular chair for long periods of time. With this one you sit in a semi-reclined or even an almost fully reclined position. Obviously if you’re using one of these chairs, you can’t use a regular table (if you’re asking why, then think about it). You need to get a special desk/table that attaches to one of these chairs you can then out your laptop on it or write on it as well. I wouldn’t recommend trying to use a desktop PC with one of these, don’t think they are designed for it.

This one is probably tops as far as preventing you from slouching. Since you’re in an almost fully-reclined position, you can’t slide down and going sideways is also tough even though there are armrests. Slouching your shoulders is also not a problem, you’re reclining after all.

The biggest point in favour of this chair is that if you’re using one of these you probably already have some back issues which most likely provides you all the motivation you need to not slouch while you’re working. Even if you did find some creative ways to do it (which I probably could if I tried hard enough), you wouldn’t do it cause you know how much of an issue back problems can be.

Lessons Learned

So what did we learn from all this? Well, sadly slouching is like an addiction, once you’re used to it it is very hard to stop yourself from doing it and just like with any addiction willpower and persistence are the only ways to break your slouching habit. The first thing to do is to admit that you have a slouching problem (I definitely do). The second step is that you have to really want to kick your slouching habit, sadly I don’t think I am at that stage yet, if there was an easy way I would probably go for it, but I just don’t have the motivation to really put in the effort to teach myself not to slouch. I hope the motivation will come eventually, knowing something is bad for you is one thing, but doing something about it is altogether a different story.

The question I have for everyone is this. Do you know of any easy tips to help someone teach themselves not to slouch when they are at their computer? Maybe there is a simple way to slowly wean yourself off slouching and I just don’t know about it. Here is an idea, maybe I missed some sort of ultra-super-slouch-preventative chair (that doesn’t make you the office posture mascot). If you know of any other types of ergonomic seating, then please leave a comment and tell me about it.

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2. Fitness for Software Developers (and Other IT Professionals)
3. Types Of Agile Projects And The Value Of Velocity

Do you find yourself playing the same PC game for hours on end? Do you give up sleep, family time and work just to spend an extra few hours behind the screen mashing buttons? If so, then you’re probably a video game addict, or at least well on your way to becoming one! Video game addiction has been in the spotlight repeatedly over the last few years, so as someone with some personal knowledge of the issue, I decided to provide some non-standard advice on how to overcome this problem.

I’ve been an avid gamer for years and during that time I have found one sure-fire way to make even the most addictive game boring. The key is to ruin the game for yourself, and the only really effective way to do that is to cheat! You didn’t expect me to say that did you? You expected me to give you some more generic advice on how to break your gaming addiction. Well, I found this to be the most effective way to wean yourself off any game you’re particularly attached to.

There are in total 4 ways I have found that allow you to cheat in games (and therefore ruin it for yourself). So, if you’re ready to break your gaming addiction, it is time for an intervention:

1. Read A Walkthrough (Simple)

Chances are you’re not the first person that has played the game you’re currently addicted to (unless you’re really, really hardcore), so there is a pretty good chance that someone has already finished the game and have written a step-by-step guide on exactly how to beat it and discover every single feature and easter egg.

The fun part about playing a game is discovering new things and finding out what happens next based on your actions (it’s called immersiveness and replay value). The game becomes a lot more boring if you know exactly what will happen and there is absolutely nothing left for you to discover. Reading a walkthrough for your game written by someone else is one way to make sure the game holds no surprises for you and therefore holds absolutely no replay value. Gaming addiction 0 – you 1.

However, with some games it is the process of playing the game that is fun, unlocking buildings, zones or characters, making money, what could be better? This is where cheats come in.

2. Find Some Cheats (Easy)

Most games these days come with cheats built into the game (actually, games have had cheats ever since the very early days of gaming). Cheats are usually built into the game so that developers can try out different things without having to play through the game over and over. As you can imagine that may be time-consuming. When the game is released, these cheats may be disabled, but they can usually easily be enabled and used by you, Joe-video-game-addict.

Cheats are enabled differently in different games, sometimes you need to edit a configuration file where the game is installed (this can mostly be done using notepad), other times you need to do it through an in-game console. The point is, the same guy who wrote the walkthrough for the game (or possibly his brother) has already worked out how to enable the cheats for your game and also listed what the cheats are on a website somewhere. All you need is Google and a few minutes of your time and before you know you’ll have a fully cashed-up character with an uber-elite assault rifle and unlimited health. Nothing is guaranteed to cure your gaming addiction quicker than removing all challenge from a game. So, you 2 – gaming addiction 0.

But, sometimes those super-smart developers are able to remove cheats from a game completely and there is no easy way for you to get them back. Luckily there are some even smarter developers around.

3. Use A Trainer (Medium Complexity)

That’s right there are whole groups of really smart developer-type hacker people who spend all of their free time creating little applications that allow you to cheat in your game regardless of whether cheats are switched on or off. These little application are called Trainers (yeah just like personal trainers in the gym).

Trainers come as a separate little application that you need to launch along side your game. When both the trainer and the game are launched at the same time pressing certain key combinations during your gameplay will do all sorts of wonderful things to your game that will make it a whole lot easier and a lot less interesting. The key combinations differ from trainer to trainer and from game to game, but most trainers come with pretty comprehensive documentation that explains what the key combinations are and what they do inside your game.

All you have to do is spend a little bit more time with Google (it really is your best internet buddy) and search for a trainer for your game. However if you want to be pointed in the right direction, go to Gamecopyworld. If the trainer you’re looking for is not there, it probably doesn’t exist yet.

So, what was the score, oh yeah, you 3 – gaming addiction 0. Hang on a second though, didn’t I just say that a trainer may not exist for a game? Unfortunately such a situation is not unheard of, but don’t despair, you can still kick your video game addiction in the teeth by developing some ‘lite haxor skills of your own.

4. Get A Memory Editor (Advanced)

Ok, you don’t really need to develop any hacking skills, cause some really bright dudes out there in internet-land are looking after you and that is why they created a memory editor. The best memory editor I’ve used is ArtMoney.

When you run a memory editor while your game is running, the editor has access to the memory space that the game is using. This means that you can manipulate any numeric value in your game by directly modifying the memory address where that numeric value is stored. So, money, health, points they are all at your mercy, you can make them low and you can make them high, you can even freeze them at a particular value. The ruin of your gaming fun is almost guaranteed.

Alright I admit, you do need some skills to use a memory editor properly. You need to be able to read numbers in hexadecimal and you do need a basic understanding of how numbers are stored in memory. However, Google can come to your rescue here again. If you search hard enough, you’ll be able to find plenty of ArtMoney tutorials online that will take you through the program step by step and teach you a little bit about numbers, memory and computers as well. Not only will you be investing some time into kicking your gaming habit, but you will also learn some sweet new computer skills while doing it.

Hopefully by this stage you will have K.Oed. your gaming addiction no matter how interesting, exciting and addictive your game was before you got your cheating little hands on it.

Now that I’ve shared my advice with you, it is time for disclaimers. If there is one article that probably needs disclaimers this one is it.

Firstly, the advice I give is only applicable for single player PC games. It is possible to cheat in multiplayer games, but it is not only unfair to other players but is in some cases illegal as well. At best you can get yourself banned from playing the game (which is certainly one way to cure a gaming addiction). At worst you may have legal proceedings initiated against you. I am in no way advocating cheating in multiplayer games, so if you decide to go down that path, on your head be it.

If you’re a console gamer, then alas, you’re on your own for I know nothing of your world. I have no idea if cheats are even available as an avenue for you to break your gaming addiction. However my core advice of ruining the game for yourself in some way is still very sound and my point about walkthroughs still applies.

Lastly I am not a psychologist (as you may have gathered from my About Page) so the advice I give is not professional (unless having played lots and lots of games is considered a profession). I found that the methods I outlined work for me when I find myself getting addicted to a game and the theory is sound. However, if they don’t work for you, the best advice I can give you is to seek professional help.

Phew, now that all the disclaimers are out of the way, I hope that you enjoyed this post and found the advice helpful. At the very least I hope you learned something you didn’t know before. If you have any other advice for breaking video game addiction that is perhaps non-standard and uses some lateral thinking, please leave a comment and tell everyone what it is.

Related posts:

1. Top Indie Games You Wouldn’t Mind Paying For
2. Java and .Net Taking On Contenders And Winning
3. If Software Development Was Like Medicine: Part 1

As a software developer I periodically find that I need to dabble with a bit of poetry (yes one is a consequence of the other – sort of – see my post about software developer traits for an explanation that almost makes sense). However, every time I start dabbling I find myself getting annoyed very quickly. Poetry is difficult and I don’t necessarily mean writing it, even reading it is difficult.

Well, not the actual reading part, but trying to puzzle a meaning out of the twisted phrasing, allegory and the absolutely stupendous number of hoops that people jump through to get the darned things to rhyme. And are they always successful? Well, you can be the judge, here is a “fine example” called Gap Toothed Know-It-All.

I am thinking English is just not a very flexible language, there are all these rules and regulations you have to follow, or the grammar police will eat you alive. Well, I spit in the face of the grammar police, I say, why should I adjust to English? English should be forced to adjust to my needs. We don’t need to do any major changes, but just tweak it a little bit. I’ll demonstrate with an example.

I want to write a poem which will convey the following thoughts:

I like walking in the park on sunny days. I find that it makes me more productive and focused at work.

Here is what the poem would have to sound like without tweaking English in any way:

Not too bad, gets the meaning across, but is too long-winded and so much unnecessary allegory! Would you even know what I was trying to say if I hadn’t told you?

Let us try this again, but now we can tweak English to suit our purposes:

See, this is much better, short and sweet and almost no extraneous words to clutter up the verse. The meaning is completely transparent, if you didn’t know what I was trying to convey you’d easily be able to work it out almost exactly.

So, I threw in a little bit of slang and made up some new words by “tweaking” the endings of some existing ones to facilitate rhyming, so what? The funny thing is that the meaning of the words I “tweaked” is still obvious. Everyone can easily tell what the un-tweaked versions of the words are.

To summarise, doing some minor creative surgery on the English language allows us to not only maintain clarity and create more compact verse, but also to completely retain the meaning of all the tweaked content :).

So I put this to you, why shouldn’t we tweak language? I tweak my code all the time to make it more compact, more concise and more readable. And yet here is poetry, coming in and doing the exact opposite. I tell you, it conceptually undermines the structure, clarity and higher productivity that we as software developers are trying to bring to the world. And anyway it surely is against some sort of best practice somewhere. Right? Am I right???

This post has been marked with my funny flag:

For other example of flag usage see this post marked with my sarcasm flag. It is so sad that I have to do this, but otherwise some people would undoubtedly take this post seriously and try to sic the grammar police, poetry police and who knows what other police on me.

Related posts:

1. The Anatomy Of A Rhyme And What Really Rhymes With Orange
2. Converting Integers To Words – Bringing Order To English Through Code
3. Here Are Some Words That Rhyme With Orange!

So what would you do if the large hadron collider created a black hole that was about to suck the earth in? Most people would probably loot, but where to loot first, it’s enough to give you fits? Well, this list will attempt to address this pressing issue and take the hassle out of choosing your next looting location. Without further ado, the top 10 places you should loot in the event of a large hadron collider induced quantum singularity.

10. Adult Video Store

Why?
This is probably the only day on earth where you won’t feel like a complete pervert for going in here and even if you do, who cares right? Noone will be paying any attention to you, they’ll be busy doing some looting of their own, so you can relax and watch your DVDs in peace. And who are all these people to judge you anyway, they’ll be sucked down the same black hole as you and after that happens, I’d like to see someone try and separate their self-righteous molecules from yours.

9. Local Ferrari Dealership

Why?
Let’s face it, this is your only chance to own one these babies, even if it is a looted one. I know it’s a bit boring to just drive a car around as your particles get torn asunder, but at least as you’re compressed into a tiny ball of goo by the monumental forces involved you’ll know that you looked damn cool when it was happening and were going really fast too.

8. Local Chocolate Store

Why?
All these years of going to the gym working those pecs and lats or sweating your ass off on the treadmill, denying yourself that little bit of cake or that nice choc-chip cookie with your tea, well they ain’t worth squat now. World is gonna end, like really soon and all, so this is your chance to go crazy and satisfy your cravings once and for all. Don’t worry people are gonna care even less about this than they did about you perving at the adult movies. Infact there will probably be a bunch of pigs just like you at the store gorging themselves to death on chocolate truffles and moose.

7. Local Gun Store/Rifle Range/Shooting Gallery

Why?
Ever wanted to feel important and powerful, but were stuck in some country where guns were hard to come by or maybe there was a conviction or three preventing you from becoming a proud owner of a Smith & Wesson limited edition. Well, no more of that, now you can loot your way to feeling like you’re king of the world. Of course there is a bit of irony in that your little guns pale into nothingness along side the titanic forces ripping the planet apart, but if you go into fits of orgasmic pleasure from the feel of a lady bullet in your hand, that irony will probably be lost on you.

6. Your Neighbours’ House

Why?
Cause you’re sick of that upstart, yuppie no-good stock broker with his perfect little wife and perfect little kids and perfect little car and perfect little house. Well, the end of the world is nigh and it is payback time. Just go in there with a chainsaw or cordless drill or some other power tool and go nuts. Don’t forget to cuddle that 68 inch LCD TV, that you’ve been coveting for years, before you chop it into so much compost. The downside is you probably won’t actually get anything nice for you to keep out of this. The upside is that your dump of a place will be the prettiest house on the block for the short moments before the whole planets gets mulched up into cosmic drool.

5. Church

Why?
You’ve probably been wondering for a while if hell really exists and what it is really like, surely it can’t be all that bad? But, in our society if instant of instant internet gratification, who wants to wait until you die of natural causes to find out? Well, since your body is about to be put through a fine, microscopic black hole mesh anyway, you might as well go and loot a church to ensure your place in hell is not taken by some wannabe drunk driver. Loot a synagogue and a mosque just in case, you’ll have most of your bases covered if you stick to the places of worship of major religions. This way when Earth becomes nothing more than a skid mark on the universes’ dirty underpants, you’ll be living it up, taking a relaxing plunge into a lake of sulfur with all your best guys and gals.

4. Local Pet Store

Why?
This one is purely to protect yourself from cosmic irony, the universe has a sense of humour don’t you know, so you must perform a pre-emptive strike on it with some strategic looting. You go to the pet store to find out which animal is local pet store ultimate fighting champ, last chimp/dog/snake standing is the winner. This way when you get sucked into the black hole and the universe plays its usual tricks on you by transporting you into a parallel universe while at the same time fusing you with the nearest animal available on hand. You’ve made sure that your fusion buddy will be a mean canine with giant cojones and an attitude, rather than some random looser parakeet with a lazy eye and chronic diarrhoea.

3. Your Local Bank Branch

Why?
Cause you’ve been toying with the idea of doing it regardless of black hole phenomena. Go in there and burn/steal all their records and release a virus into their computers if you’re that way inclined. This is insurance just in case by some miracle the world survives its brush with quantum physics. If it does you might be labelled a fat, gun-loving, animal-abusing, anti-religious, pervert, car thief, but at least you won’t have a mortgage any more. And you may have helped out a few more people along the way as a side benefit. This hopefully, will make up somewhat for smearing the altar in the house of god with animal faeces. Let’s face it after the looting spree you’ve been on, you’ll be needing all the brownie points you can get.

2. Local Drug Dealers House

Why?
You’ve probably smoked a little joint or two, while hiding behind some shed somewhere, made you feel real cool didn’t it? Just imagine how hip you’ll feel after ingesting a lethal cocktail blend of all the illicit substances you’re likely to find here. Smoke it, snort it, inject it, swallow it, hell absorb it rectally who’s gonna judge you? You have like minutes left to live for goodness sakes. In the seconds left to you, you’ll also be able to place a bet on what will kill you first, drugs or black hole. And if you thought seeing a black whole up close would be trippy, just imagine the trippiness overload you’ll get from watching it up close while stuffed with more narcotics than Amy Winehouses’ medicine cabinet. Of course the sheer irony of being able to possibly see through time both literally and figuratively can not be understated either.

1. Local Nuclear Power Station, Then The Local Zoo

Why?
This is more of a series of loots you’ll be engaging in. But it is forgivable since you’re working on the last ditch effort to save the world. So first thing first, get your hands on some fissionable materials, don’t worry about protective gear, if you haven’t figured the lethality of the whole black hole situation out by now, then cleansing through quantum event is probably the best thing for you and the rest of the world.

So, fissionable material in hand, head straight for the arachnid sanctuary at the zoo (c’mon you know where this is heading, right?). You greatest chance of success lies there, since “documentary” evidence would suggest a decent chance of spidey powers being equal to the task of taking on a rapidly expanding black hole.

However this may not work, so once all the spiders are dead, your best bet is to move out from there to the rest of the zoo in a spiral search pattern irradiating every animal in your path. Who knows koalas may have a destiny greater than we all could have imagined and have been put on this earth for the express purpose of fusing their hereto unknown powers to yours. For such a fusion would surely form a creature most fearsome in mien and temperament, no black hole would stand a chance!

If you’re gonna try this one, I suggest you avoid doing the other ones first, since they might decrease your chances of succeeding with this one (you know the drugs and all). Plus if you do succeed you don’t want to explain to little Susie why Mr. Bunnykins had his head ripped off and used as a napkin by the pit-bull you’re carrying around in your backpack.

Related posts:

1. Why Web 2.0 Sucks
2. How To Save Money As A Student
3. 7 Characters That Could Replace Wesley Crusher On Star Trek And We Wouldn’t Notice The Difference

Ok, I have no problem with the concept, but does every man and his dog have to buy into using the acronym and especially the 2.0 suffix. Everything is 2.0 these days from the iPhone to grandmas corner cookie store (Cookies 2.0 – Dey Da Shznit).

Seriously the guy who invented the term should be roasted slowly over an open fire and just so it can be done properly, by experts, I condemn him to the deepest darkest pits of the 7th circle of hell. He’ll probably meet the guy who coined SOA there, I am sure they’ll have loads to talk about and become great friends.

What happened to the days when people coined grand and dignified terms for concepts they wanted to describe (like ‘cyberspace’ for example), the days you could look upon the acronym you’ve coined and know that it was good and would make you proud in the wild. No, now it’s all airy fairy concepts and trendy sounding punch lines, appealing to the youth market and all, makes me sick.

How about the guys bandying around the Web 3.0 slogan, gee, don’t we all think they are original, they can like, increment by one and junk. I mean the first time I heard that I was all like, OMFG these guyz are so kewl, they so 31337, I surely must hear what they gotta say, cause web 3.0 it’s gonna take off any minute now, yep any minute now… <- (sarcasm flag)

Another thing that really bugs me about the whole web 2.0 movement, the web 2.0 domain names. Oh, I really have a special place in my heart for those puppies. New start-up companies are just lapping these up, who needs a compelling product or service we’ll just have a hip and “with-it” sounding web 2.0 domain name, the young digerati won’t be able to resist.

Forget solid business planning and marketing campaigns, all we need to do is have a domain name that makes us sound like we’re about to run off and start a garage band with our pot smoking, guitar hero wannabe buddies, and we’re on easy street. Surely the big corporations are gonna wake up and realize there is an untapped market for them out there, example (these are digital gold and I am giving it away for free, silly me):

• bh.pbillet.on – case modding the hard way rockz, start with a ton of aluminium ore!

• we.llsfar.go – we pwn the pork bellies futurez marketz!

Latest victim of the web 2.0 syndrome – cloud computing. It still retains some credibility, but is surely heading the way of the SOA. As soon as we can’t go to a conference without at least 2 cloud computing presentations, we’ll know that it has happened. Cloud computing will have become synonymous with “amorphous blob of goo and other things that do stuff”, and we’ll safely be able to send the cloud computing guy to meet up with the SOA guys and the Web 2.0 at that place where they’ll surely be hanging out (see above).

Oh and by the way, completely off topic, but I am on a roll. So, parents whose family name is Kerr (or derivative thereof) who name their baby son Wayne, I hope you get stampeded over by heard of rampaging wilder beast. I mean childhood is hard enough without saddling your son with that name combination. Off you go to join the SOA guy, the Web 2.0 guy and the ghost-of-christmas cloud computing guy!

There we go, all ranted out and it’s not even lunch time, have a good one from Rants Dude, that is to say ra.ntzdu.de! Yeah!

Related posts:

1. If Software Development Was Like Medicine: Part 1
2. How To Retain Your IT Employees For Longer
3. Tweaking English For Fun And Profit … Facilitating Poetry