Original picture courtesy of thehollywoodgossip.com

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So what would you do if the large hadron collider created a black hole that was about to suck the earth in? Most people would probably loot, but where to loot first, it’s enough to give you fits? Well, this list will attempt to address this pressing issue and take the hassle out of choosing your next looting location. Without further ado, the top 10 places you should loot in the event of a large hadron collider induced quantum singularity.

10. Adult Video Store

Why?
This is probably the only day on earth where you won’t feel like a complete pervert for going in here and even if you do, who cares right? Noone will be paying any attention to you, they’ll be busy doing some looting of their own, so you can relax and watch your DVDs in peace. And who are all these people to judge you anyway, they’ll be sucked down the same black hole as you and after that happens, I’d like to see someone try and separate their self-righteous molecules from yours.

9. Local Ferrari Dealership

Why?
Let’s face it, this is your only chance to own one these babies, even if it is a looted one. I know it’s a bit boring to just drive a car around as your particles get torn asunder, but at least as you’re compressed into a tiny ball of goo by the monumental forces involved you’ll know that you looked damn cool when it was happening and were going really fast too.

8. Local Chocolate Store

Why?
All these years of going to the gym working those pecs and lats or sweating your ass off on the treadmill, denying yourself that little bit of cake or that nice choc-chip cookie with your tea, well they ain’t worth squat now. World is gonna end, like really soon and all, so this is your chance to go crazy and satisfy your cravings once and for all. Don’t worry people are gonna care even less about this than they did about you perving at the adult movies. Infact there will probably be a bunch of pigs just like you at the store gorging themselves to death on chocolate truffles and moose.

7. Local Gun Store/Rifle Range/Shooting Gallery

Why?
Ever wanted to feel important and powerful, but were stuck in some country where guns were hard to come by or maybe there was a conviction or three preventing you from becoming a proud owner of a Smith & Wesson limited edition. Well, no more of that, now you can loot your way to feeling like you’re king of the world. Of course there is a bit of irony in that your little guns pale into nothingness along side the titanic forces ripping the planet apart, but if you go into fits of orgasmic pleasure from the feel of a lady bullet in your hand, that irony will probably be lost on you.

6. Your Neighbours’ House

Why?
Cause you’re sick of that upstart, yuppie no-good stock broker with his perfect little wife and perfect little kids and perfect little car and perfect little house. Well, the end of the world is nigh and it is payback time. Just go in there with a chainsaw or cordless drill or some other power tool and go nuts. Don’t forget to cuddle that 68 inch LCD TV, that you’ve been coveting for years, before you chop it into so much compost. The downside is you probably won’t actually get anything nice for you to keep out of this. The upside is that your dump of a place will be the prettiest house on the block for the short moments before the whole planets gets mulched up into cosmic drool.

5. Church

Why?
You’ve probably been wondering for a while if hell really exists and what it is really like, surely it can’t be all that bad? But, in our society if instant of instant internet gratification, who wants to wait until you die of natural causes to find out? Well, since your body is about to be put through a fine, microscopic black hole mesh anyway, you might as well go and loot a church to ensure your place in hell is not taken by some wannabe drunk driver. Loot a synagogue and a mosque just in case, you’ll have most of your bases covered if you stick to the places of worship of major religions. This way when Earth becomes nothing more than a skid mark on the universes’ dirty underpants, you’ll be living it up, taking a relaxing plunge into a lake of sulfur with all your best guys and gals.

4. Local Pet Store

Why?
This one is purely to protect yourself from cosmic irony, the universe has a sense of humour don’t you know, so you must perform a pre-emptive strike on it with some strategic looting. You go to the pet store to find out which animal is local pet store ultimate fighting champ, last chimp/dog/snake standing is the winner. This way when you get sucked into the black hole and the universe plays its usual tricks on you by transporting you into a parallel universe while at the same time fusing you with the nearest animal available on hand. You’ve made sure that your fusion buddy will be a mean canine with giant cojones and an attitude, rather than some random looser parakeet with a lazy eye and chronic diarrhoea.

3. Your Local Bank Branch

Why?
Cause you’ve been toying with the idea of doing it regardless of black hole phenomena. Go in there and burn/steal all their records and release a virus into their computers if you’re that way inclined. This is insurance just in case by some miracle the world survives its brush with quantum physics. If it does you might be labelled a fat, gun-loving, animal-abusing, anti-religious, pervert, car thief, but at least you won’t have a mortgage any more. And you may have helped out a few more people along the way as a side benefit. This hopefully, will make up somewhat for smearing the altar in the house of god with animal faeces. Let’s face it after the looting spree you’ve been on, you’ll be needing all the brownie points you can get.

2. Local Drug Dealers House

Why?
You’ve probably smoked a little joint or two, while hiding behind some shed somewhere, made you feel real cool didn’t it? Just imagine how hip you’ll feel after ingesting a lethal cocktail blend of all the illicit substances you’re likely to find here. Smoke it, snort it, inject it, swallow it, hell absorb it rectally who’s gonna judge you? You have like minutes left to live for goodness sakes. In the seconds left to you, you’ll also be able to place a bet on what will kill you first, drugs or black hole. And if you thought seeing a black whole up close would be trippy, just imagine the trippiness overload you’ll get from watching it up close while stuffed with more narcotics than Amy Winehouses’ medicine cabinet. Of course the sheer irony of being able to possibly see through time both literally and figuratively can not be understated either.

1. Local Nuclear Power Station, Then The Local Zoo

Why?
This is more of a series of loots you’ll be engaging in. But it is forgivable since you’re working on the last ditch effort to save the world. So first thing first, get your hands on some fissionable materials, don’t worry about protective gear, if you haven’t figured the lethality of the whole black hole situation out by now, then cleansing through quantum event is probably the best thing for you and the rest of the world.

So, fissionable material in hand, head straight for the arachnid sanctuary at the zoo (c’mon you know where this is heading, right?). You greatest chance of success lies there, since “documentary” evidence would suggest a decent chance of spidey powers being equal to the task of taking on a rapidly expanding black hole.

However this may not work, so once all the spiders are dead, your best bet is to move out from there to the rest of the zoo in a spiral search pattern irradiating every animal in your path. Who knows koalas may have a destiny greater than we all could have imagined and have been put on this earth for the express purpose of fusing their hereto unknown powers to yours. For such a fusion would surely form a creature most fearsome in mien and temperament, no black hole would stand a chance!

If you’re gonna try this one, I suggest you avoid doing the other ones first, since they might decrease your chances of succeeding with this one (you know the drugs and all). Plus if you do succeed you don’t want to explain to little Susie why Mr. Bunnykins had his head ripped off and used as a napkin by the pit-bull you’re carrying around in your backpack.

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Update: Well I got at least one of the interviews that I wanted from this post, and here it is:

- Interview With The ‘I Drink Your Mikshake’ Snorg Tees Girl

I love Snorg Tees (you know those t-shirt ads you keep seeing on digg.com, explosm.net and everywhere else), well to be more precise I love their ads, well to be even more precise I love the girls who model the t-shirts in the ads (so I am a guy and I like girls, so sue me :)).

I recently came across some blog posts here and here, talking about Alice the original snorg tees girl and even an interview with her in another post here (she seems like a nice girl). However after reading these posts I realised that there are a few other snorg tees girls that I really like, so I thought I’d create this small list and to make it even more interesting I thought I’d turn in into an experiment in the power of social media.

Here is the idea, I think the other snorg tees girls on this list deserve to be interviewed also, just like Alice was (obviously Alice is one of the girls on the list :)) and since I don’t know who they are I thought I would turn to social media to provide the answer. What I would like to see happen is for this post to become popular enough to come to the attention of either the girls themselves or people who know them, so that they can contact me, so that I in turn can interview them and post the interviews on my blog for everyone else to read :)(I know there are probably easier ways to do this, but then I wouldn’t get to do my little experiment and that’s no fun :)).

I am sure there are other people out there who are closet fans of these girls :), so if you are one of them, or even if you’re not but want to support the experiment what you need to do is cast you vote. Vote this post up on your favourite social media site, that means I want you to Digg and Stumble it, to Mixx it, Spurl it, Pownce and Twitter it, to Reddit, Furl it, Sphinn and Tumblr it and do whatever else your social media site does. Oh, and don’t forget to share it with your friends. The more people see it, the more chance this experiment has of succeeding! So, what are you waiting for, go ahead…

Oh yeah, almost forgot :), here is the list of the snorg tees girls we all want to know more about (well, my list anyway :))

5. It’s Ok Pluto I am Not a Planet Either	4. I Drink Your Milkshake	3. I Love LAMP

2. #1 Threat To America BEARS	1. With A Shirt Like This Who Needs Pants?

Number 3 – Ultimate geek t-shirt or what?
Number 1 – Who else thinks this is best t-shirt ad ever :)?

If you’re one of the snorg tees girls in this list or someone who knows one of them and can talk them into doing an interview over e-mail or IM :), then please contact me, my details are on the contact page. You can also just leave a comment with your details and I will contact you (you know, to verify that you are who you say you are :)).

Oh and if there is a question you want to ask one of the girls, please post it up as well, if this experiment is successful you may just get your questions answered (please don’t post anything vulgar, I will treat any vulgar comments as spam and deal with them accordingly).

Don’t forget, vote this post up! Do it :)!

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I have met probably dozens of Americans over the last couple of years or so, and out of all of them I only remember about 2 of them admitting that they voted for Bush. This got me thinking, just how did Bush become president of the US in the first place and how was he able to remain for 2 terms.

Thinking back over the last few years, I simply can’t recall reading a news story that was praising George W. Bush for anything. I certainly can’t recall a conversation with anyone – American or not – where Bush was mentioned with respect and admiration. Surely those are how a leader should be perceived by his people and possibly even by the international community. Admittedly I am not American, so maybe I am missing some pieces of the puzzle, or something is lost in translation I don’t know, but I find the situation extremely curious.

One of the things that really gets to me is “bushisms”. Were they ever endearing? Since when were bad grammar and an inability to construct a meaningful sentence, the hallmarks of a visionary leader of men. I am just not prepared to make peace with the fact that in a country that gave us the automobile, the atomic bomb, the internet even, that was the best leadership material they had. The saddest thing is that these “bushisms” occurred despite the speech writers and others of their ilk that were no doubt employed to keep just such things from occurring. These grammatical faux pas never made me like Bush more, but they surely must have done so for some people, or am I wrong?

What about his handling of the Iraq war. Let us not forget the fact that the “weapons of mass destruction” over which the war was started in the first place were never found. Let us also not forget that in the case of Iraq, democracy was foisted on the people living there (compelling a nation to adopt democracy through force of arms – was there ever a more ludicrous concept). Both of those things piss me off just a little, but what gets to me even more is the insistence that noone put a foot wrong at any point with regards to the whole situation. Frankly I would have respected the current US administration a lot more had Bush come out at some point and said “Gee guys, we were wrong, but have to try and set things right now, doing the best we can”. And I am perfectly aware that I can’t blame Bush for the actions of the whole administration, he is not the only person involved. He is however the leader and as such has a responsibility – and a level accountability as well – wether things go right or not.

Bush is in no small part responsible for America having a frankly atrocious international reputation right this minute. America is seen as a bully and an aggressor by the rest of the world, despite many countries having to tow the line and follow Americas lead due to economic (and possibly other) pressures. This in turn reflects really badly on the American people. If I were American I certainly would not want to be judged by the action of one short-sighted and limited individual (who just happens to be the president :)) and the fact that I am being judged this way would annoy me no end.

Is all of this because Bush is just not a leader, but is in fact a sort of puppet for some group/s within the Republican Party? I mean, lets take the current Russia vs. Georgia conflict. Surely noone could lay hypocrisy on that thick without visibly cringing unless they are being controlled in some way and simply don’t have the capacity to understand what they are saying or doing. If it is the case then surely this is even more reason why Bush deserves our contempt for being bamboozled in this way by his “advisors”.

Given all that I said above I guess my question is, who actually voted for Bush and why? Even more so, why the second time? If you did vote for him, do you still retain some confidence in his abilities as a leader? Do you think he has done a good job in his 2 terms as president? I would be very curious to know what people have to say and if you’re not American I’d love to hear from anyone who admires Bush, or at least doesn’t dislike him, surely there must be someone.

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