I’ve been watching the first and second season of Star Trek: The Next Generation lately (yeah, yeah shut up everyone, so I like Star Trek, just get over it :)). Anyways, aside from all the happy memories of years past, watching it reminded me just how completely annoying Wesley Crusher was. Yeah, he was smart and all, but how sickeningly sweet can you possibly get?
So in one of my trademark leaps of logic I started thinking about some other characters from movies and shows that either annoyed me, made me cringe at their total sweetness or made me say “Yeah right!” at the unlikelihood of the stuff they accomplished. I came up with seven and I am thinking we could seamlessly swap these character with Wesley and both shows would hardly notice the difference.
This guy must be kidding, I hear you say. Nope he is deadly serious, that’s right, serious like a fox! Here is the list:
7. Donatello from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
He is just as smart in a completely unlikely sort of way, sure he is less annoying but he can learn, Riker and Picard will teach him. And Wesley will do fine as a turtle, the other 3 will hardly notice the difference.
6. Will Robinson from Lost In Space
Not much to say here, Will and Wesley are pretty much the same character. Like cogs in a machine, take one out, slot one in.
5. Hermione from Harry Potter
Goody-two-shoes know-it-all vs goody-two-shoes know-it-all, perfect fit. Captain Picard might raise an eyebrow at another girl on his bridge but I am sure he’ll let it slide seeing it’s Hermione and all. Ron Weasley on the other hand might get a bit of a rude shock when he wakes up one day and finds that his love interest is now a guy (gee, hope I didn’t ruin it for anyone, Ron and Hermione have a thing going on, if you’re not getting it by book 3, there is very little hope for you).
4. Pinocchio from Pinocchio
This one is a bit out of left field, but hey why not, all Pinocchio wants is to be is a real boy, and Star Trek can give him that opportunity. At the very least him and Data will have a lot to talk about. Wesley on the other hand could use a bit of an education on how to lie properly.
3. Velvet Brown from National Velvet
If you haven’t seen the movie then watch it, the character is played by Elizabeth Taylor when she was young and stuff. This one is on the list because, if anything, the character here is even more sickeningly sweet than Wesley. LaForge and Data surely couldn’t think of anyone more annoying than Wesley, boy are they gonna get a rude shock.
2. Michael Banks from Mary Poppins
Remember the boy from Mary Poppins, that’s the kid I mean. Why? Well, the whole movie was all sweet and nice with songs and stuff, just like Wesley. I had to pick the little kid, cause I surely couldn’t have swapped Wesley out for Dick Van Dyke. Wesley’s fake cockney accent is nowhere near good enough plus Picard would never forgive me for letting a guy with a name like Dick Van Dyke loose on his ship.
1. Friedrich Von Trapp
Yep, that’s the older boy from the Sound of Music, lederhosen included. All of the Von Trapp kids were little Wesley’s only not quite as smart probably. But, I am willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, because nothing could possibly be more hilarious than Wesley wearing lederhosen singing the “Goodbye, Farewell” song!
I think I have well and truly proven my right to bear the geek coat of arms with this post, I bet some of you must have begun wondering, with me writing all those team building and leadership posts. Well, worry no more brethren!